How to communicate to get what you want!

Published: January 4, 2021

Communication is key for better relationships and better sex.

He can’t read your mind. And you can’t read his. Seriously, friend. Even psychics don’t claim to be mind readers.

But it’s very probable that some of these thoughts are going on in your relationship:

“He should know how much I hate it when he comes home late.”

“She should know that I’m sick of the nagging.”

“He should know that I don’t want to do anything but sleep after 9pm”

“She should know that I want to do more than just missionary style every night”

“He should know that I’d want him to shower before he cozies up to me.”

Do you see what’s happening here?

There’s an expectation that our partners are superhuman…that they are, in fact, mind readers. That’s crazy!!! Don’t believe it. That kind of thinking is really hard on a relationship.

Does it seem like people who have the best relationships have partners who just “get them” and seem to always know what they’re thinking? I’m here to let you in on a little secret…

Relationships like that don’t just happen! They are created!

Ok, yes, it’s probably easier for some couples than it is for others, but the secret is always the same. The couples who seem to be so close and so relaxed with each other… they communicate really well.

Want to elevate your relationship so you can talk about everything, including issues in the bedroom, more easily? Here are a few quick tips:

Tell your partner when he’s on the right track.

Ex. “I like it when you kiss my neck.” So many people wait to communicate only the negative. It’s easy to fall into that pattern because if you’re happy with things, there’s no need to talk about it, right? Wrong! Talking about the good stuff builds up trust and rapport in the way you approach your partner.

Thank your partner for doing things that please you.

Ex. “Thank you for putting the kids to bed so I could relax a little.” I know you might want to push back on this, especially if you think he’s doing something that he should do anyway (maybe it’s “his job,” like taking the trash out). But here’s the thing… a little “thank you” goes a long way in making someone feel appreciated and getting them to repeat more of the behavior. Trust me, try it.

Make it about you, not about them, when you want your partner to change something.

Ex. Instead of saying something like, “you’re always in a rush to have sex,” try, “I think I’d feel so much more relaxed if we had a few minutes to warm up first.” When you’re talking about you, and not about your partner, you’re less likely to hurt feelings or bruise egos. Nobody likes feeling that they’re not doing something right.

Ok, there you have it! Three things to get started on to get closer to your lover today. Don’t wait until you have something to fix, to start communicating well. Get on it now!

Update: My book is done and ready for you! Read more about how communication and other topics affect your libido and intimacy with your partner. The book goes into more intimate scenarios and gives examples from years of helping clients through sexual problems. Click here for a signed copy of my book or get the book on Amazon.

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Hi, I'm

Dr. Lauren Crigler.

I specialize in pelvic floor therapy, and have spent over a decade helping women have sex without pain.

I’m here to help you stop having pain and start really enjoying your sex life.

My favorite part of what I do is helping women reconnect with their partner. This isn’t just a job for me; it’s a passion!

Are you ready to look forward to Friday nights? If you want to have sex without vaginal or pelvic pain, you can work with me via professional coaching.