Setting Relationship Goals for the New Year

Published: January 16, 2020

If you follow along with me on my social media, you know that the first week after the new year was a little sluggish for me. (And I shared because it was my hope that other people could relate!) 

I personally felt like I fell off the bandwagon in so many ways. I stopped running, stopped paying attention to the foods I ate, and stopped following a self-care routine that works best for me. I started last week with less energy, more anxiety, and it was hard to get back “on.” Ugh. 

But, day after day, I took steps, and with each step, healthy decisions became easier to make. 

When I started to think about it, I realized that many women may be similar to me–they start to take steps to get back on track after the hustle and bustle of the holidays, but one key area they’re missing out on is their relationship with their partner! 

When I started to think about it even further, I thought, what’s a better way to be fully invested in a new year than to set some healthy goals for your relationship with your partner? After all, having a close bond with your partner makes lots of things much easier: parenting, finances, sharing household responsibilities, traveling, and more. 

Setting Goals for Your Relationship is Powerful 

Setting goals for your relationship at the beginning of a new year can be incredibly powerful. It helps you work together as a team to keep growing and improving your relationship. It might be mid-January, but you still have plenty of time to do this, believe me! 

As a first step, sit down with your partner and talk about how 2019 went for your relationship. You might feel a little silly at first, but it’s important to sit together (side by side or across from each other, so long as you have good eye contact). 

Get things rolling by asking each other the following questions:

  • What did we do well as a team in 2019?
  • Where did we struggle in 2019?
  • What do we want to do less of in 2020?
  • What do we want to do more of in 2020?
  • What do we wish for our relationship in 2020?

As one of you responds, the other can take notes as you have the conversation. Then, switch and repeat so that you both have a chance to respond. Next, look at your notes and ask yourselves this question: 

“What specific steps can we take to prioritize each other and build a truly amazing relationship this year?” 

Choose Relationship Resolutions 

After looking at your notes from above, your next step is to write down any responses and ideas either of you has to the question. Together, look at the list and choose 3-5 goals for your relationship. I personally love using SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-based goals), but you can choose anything that works best for the two of you. The goal here is that you want the number to feel small enough to be manageable, but also, you want to make sure you’re not short-changing yourselves. 

If you’re having a bit of writer’s block (It’s okay! Happens to the best of us, believe me), here are a few ideas to get you started: 

  • Make a commitment for a weekly date night. (Doesn’t have to be Friday!) 
  • Schedule quality time or sex on a regular basis.
  • Give each other daily compliments. 
  • Say “I love you” every day.
  • Work on showing love in each other’s Love Language 
  • Hire a housecleaner or nanny, or hire an assistant at work or around the house so you can have more time with each other.
  • Tackle those items (together) that have been lurking on your to-do list for years. 
  • Plan a romantic weekend getaway for just the two of you.
  • Sign up to work with me via my email or video coaching. (I’d be thrilled to help you work towards your relationship and sex goals!)

From the list, pick one thing to start doing this month so you can start off the year with good momentum. 

Since some people are visual learners and benefit from visual reminders, keep the list somewhere you can both see it daily. Write it down on sticky notes and put it somewhere you both see regularly, like on the bathroom wall or mirror, or inside your bedroom. 

Hopefully this will help you get on the right track for setting goals for growing and strengthening your relationship. If you find that you still need some guidance, please reach out to me

 

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Dr. Lauren Crigler.

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