Why your sex life matters

Published: May 8, 2020

For the past eight weeks I’ve been “stuck at home” with my kids during social distancing. It’s actually been kind of nice sometimes but also really challenging. I’m still seeing clients online, my husband and I created a program to help pregnant mamas, and I’m writing a book about sex. Those three things are very manageable. But if I had known back in December that I’d also be home schooling(!) and my kids would be here ALL THE TIME, I probably wouldn’t have agreed to turn in a first draft in June.

But there’s always a silver lining it seems. I’m fitting in book writing at the end of the day when I’m tired, stressed, and the kids are home. That’s a lot like how my clients, and women all over the world, are fitting in sexual intimacy. So I’m writing about solving problems to improve your sex life, while solving some of the same problems to write a book. (I also write in several positions though not as many as I mention in the book!)

Anyway… I thought I’d share an unedited excerpt from the first chapter. Feel free to tell me what you think.

Good sex requires more than just doing it.

People want the fairy tale ending. We all want to live happily ever after. We want to be swept off our feet, fall in love, and stay that way. Forever. When it comes to our love lives, we want a lifelong romance. That’s a lot to ask for. And it’s totally doable. But you have to stop thinking of happily ever after as the final destination. You have to think of happily ever after as a cliffhanger.

The cliff hanger is the point in a story where there is uncertainty, you need to figure out what the hell you’re doing, make some important decisions, and take action. That’s the formula for an interesting cliff hanger, and it also sounds like… life. If you’re in a relationship, then you’re in this cliffhanger together. If you take the right actions, you’ll grow together, show each other love and respect, and bond deeply. You’ll be on a journey that feels like happily ever after. But you can’t forget about a small detail: your sex life.

Wait, your sex life is a small detail?

Why am I writing a book about sex if it’s just a small detail? There are so many parts of your life to deal with. You’re juggling your job, your family, your budget, and figuring out what to do for dinner. Why should you spend time and attention on this “small” detail?

Here’s what I’ve learned from years of talking to women and couples about sex: this small detail, if neglected, can cost you everything. When people ignore their sex lives, things in their relationship start to fall apart. You lose some of your closeness, and little things that didn’t bother either of you before (whistling, humming, and tapping your toothbrush on the sink) start to seem really annoying.

Sometimes it’s hard to prioritize your sex life.

When your desire is nowhere to be seen, or sex doesn’t feel good, or you’re just too damn tired at the end of the day, working on your sex life feels really hard. I get it. I’ve been there. And I’ve talked to over a thousand women who are struggling with that same problem. So here’s the bright side, if you put in just a little bit of consistent effort, you can have the kind of sex life that you really enjoy. The kind where you’re excited about a romantic rendezvous. The kind where you feel closer to your partner. And when he whistles or you hum, you each will smile instead of wanting to strangle each other, because that’s the power of a really strong bond.

Trust me, your sex life is worth working on even if your only problem is that you’re just bored with it. Fixing a problem in your sex life costs you very little time, energy, or money but not fixing it can cost you everything. That’s why reading a book and shaking up this small detail in your life is important. Your sex life affects the big picture.

Happily ever after is not a destination. It’s not a state of being. It’s a state of doing. And if you’re not doing it (pun intended), your sex life is a small detail that can affect every area of your life.

Then I go into some fun details about how your sex life affects everything from motherhood to money management and even gaining weight. The rest of the book focuses on ways to improve your sex life, because who wouldn’t want that?!

I’m still available for online coaching for sexual wellness and intimacy concerns (and all the issues that comes with them!). I’d love to work with you and share my knowledge.

Update: My book is done and ready for you! Read more about how eating and other topics affect your libido and intimacy with your partner. Click here for a signed copy of my book or get the book on Amazon.

7 Essentials for

Pain-Free, Feel-Good Sex

Pain with sex? Decreased desire, Arousal, and orgasm?

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Wish you weren’t dreading sex or the pain that comes afterward?

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Hi, I'm

Dr. Lauren Crigler.

I specialize in pelvic floor therapy, and have spent over a decade helping women have sex without pain.

I’m here to help you stop having pain and start really enjoying your sex life.

My favorite part of what I do is helping women reconnect with their partner. This isn’t just a job for me; it’s a passion!

Are you ready to look forward to Friday nights? If you want to have sex without vaginal or pelvic pain, you can work with me via professional coaching.