No, it’s not just you.
A common sentiment among many women who experience pain with sex is:
I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one that had pain with sex.
But many studies show that pain with sex is actually pretty common. It affects 10-20% of women on a regular basis. This pain is experienced in the vagina, or anywhere in the pelvis or low back. Pain can occur before, during or after sex.
Some women have pain with even just a light touch outside of the vagina. Some women have pain with initial penetration (that first attempt to insert a penis or finger). For others, deep penetration causes more pain.
Some women can’t have penetrative sex at all because of the pain. Some women have to avoid certain positions or put a time limit on sex. While others continue to have sex… even though it really hurts.
So, if there are so many women who have so many different types of pain with sex, why do they all feel so alone?
Because we don’t talk about it!
When it comes to sex, there tend to be two camps: people who hardly talk about it at all, or people who talk about it a lot.
But the people who talk about it a lot are only talking about the good stuff. The fun times, the crazy adventures, the kind of adult campfire stories that people want to hear.
But if sex hurts… silence.
No one is talking about sex that hurts, sex that’s kind of awful, sex that you just want to stop.
For the storytellers, maybe that doesn’t seem like a story people want to hear. Or maybe it’s too embarrassing. Many women feel shame about not being able to perform, what seems on the surface to be, a basic human function.
The shame and sadness further isolates women. They withdraw from sex and, often, even from relationships. Because, for many women, this is a problem that they don’t talk about, even with their partner.
So if we only talk about feel-good sex, the assumption is: sex feels good for everyone. And for 10-20% of women, that’s just not true.
Here’s what breaks my heart:
Many women come to me after having painful sex with their partner for years, or having never consummated their marriage because it hurts too much. One of the reasons why they didn’t seek help sooner?
They didn’t know help existed.
Sadly, the reason women don’t know that help exists is because no one talks about it!
I’m here to change that. I want every woman who experiences pain with sex to know:
You are NOT alone, and…